Renounced But Still Wounded: When Church Hurt Meets Greek Hurt

Janet

Alright family, let’s go on and talk about it. These public renunciation videos? They everywhere. Your timeline, your group chats, even Auntie nem sending ’em in the church Facebook group like, “See, THIS what I been sayin’ about them Greeks.”

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

And if you’re listening to this, chances are you love Jesus and you also love your letters. So every time another video drops, you feel that tension… “Did I miss something? Am I in sin? Or are they just telling their story?”

Janet

Mmhmm. And for some of y’all, it’s not just tension, it’s panic. You sitting there like, “Lord, do I need to make a video? Do I need to burn my jackets?” Baby, breathe. Let’s slow this thing down.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Yeah. What I want us to do today is not attack anybody’s testimony. We’re not naming names, we’re not quote-tweeting nobody. We’re asking: what’s actually going on underneath some of these public renunciations?

Janet

Right. ’Cause it’s not always just, “I read the Bible and changed my mind.” Sometimes it’s, “I got hurt. I got dropped. I got humiliated. I got hazed. I got embarrassed by my chapter OR my church.” That’s a different thing.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Exactly. There’s a psychology to going public. When you’ve experienced trauma or rejection—maybe during intake, maybe with line sisters or frat brothers, maybe a pastor said something reckless—you’re searching for visibility and validation. You want somebody to SEE your pain and say, “You’re right to feel this way.”

Janet

And in this social media age, the way folks look for that is: camera on, tears flowing, title in all caps. ’Cause pain will make you perform if you’re not careful. Not ’cause you fake, but ’cause you desperate to make sense of what happened to you.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

We also try to make meaning. “If I went through all that, it must mean the whole thing is evil. It must mean God hates this organization. It must mean everybody still in it is blind.” That’s our brain trying to organize chaos.

Janet

And sometimes it’s like a kinda… spiritual spin on, “They didn’t want me,” or, “They dogged me out.” So we say, “God delivered me FROM them,” when underneath it is, “I’m still bleeding from what they did TO me.”

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

That’s where Psalm 34:18 is so important. It says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Notice what it doesn’t say. It doesn’t say, “The algorithm is close to the brokenhearted.”

Janet

Come on.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

It doesn’t say, “The comments section will save those who are crushed in spirit.” God draws near to the wounded heart. But if I don’t know how to bring my pain to God, I might start preaching my wounds as doctrine.

Janet

Whew, say that again. ’Cause some of what we’re hearing online ain’t pure theology, it’s a wounded heart speaking fluent church. They using Bible words, but really they saying, “I’m still mad. I’m still scared. I still feel small.”

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

And I want our listeners to have permission to recognize that without demonizing the person. You can say, “They’re hurting. I honor that. But I also need to weigh their conclusions against Scripture and not just against emotion.”

Janet

Yeah, ’cause some of y’all hearing those stories and thinking, “If I don’t feel that same level of ‘deliverance,’ maybe I’m less spiritual.” No baby, maybe you just not telling your story from an open wound. That’s different.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

So as we go deeper today, hold this in your heart: God is close to the brokenhearted—including the Greek that stayed, and the Greek that left. But closeness to God doesn’t automatically equal correctness in our conclusions.

Janet

Come on, that’s a word. Alright, let’s dig into how hurt and theology start getting mixed up, especially in church culture.

Janet

So Lyman, let’s just be honest about church culture for a second. We love a dramatic testimony. If you ain’t got a “I was on crack and in a gang and the Lord snatched me out overnight” kinda story, folks act like your salvation is… regular.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Right. And when you mix that with pain from Greek life—hazing, humiliation, betrayal, feeling used—you’ve got a recipe for what I’d call “trauma theology.” That’s when my wounds become my Bible.

Janet

Yeah. Hurt people will reach for spiritual language to make sense of stuff. Instead of saying, “I was abused,” we say, “God showed me the organization is demonic.” Instead of, “Leadership failed me,” we say, “All Greeks are under a curse.”

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

And the danger is, people clap louder for the most extreme testimony. So the more I demonize my past, the more spiritual I seem. Nobody’s checking, “Is this actually what Scripture teaches?” They’re just saying, “Whew, what a deliverance.”

Janet

And let’s be fair. Sometimes God DOES convict folks to walk away. But that’s different from, “I got church hurt AND Greek hurt, and I’m lumping it all together and calling the whole thing demonic so I don’t have to feel how bad it broke me.”

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Exactly. Hebrews 12:15 warns us, “See to it… that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Bitter root. That’s unhealed hurt that starts driving what we preach, what we post, what we believe.

Janet

So you got one person with unhealed trauma, and next thing you know a whole group of folks is scared, confused, ready to throw away relationships, letters, even their whole college experience—off somebody else’s bitterness.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

And James 1:20 adds another layer: “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” My outrage and my pain—no matter how justified they feel—do not automatically equal God’s will.

Janet

Whew. So let’s talk about this line between repentance and reaction. ’Cause folks be using that word “repent” heavy in these videos.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Yeah. Genuine repentance usually comes with conviction from the Holy Spirit, humility, and fruit over time. It sounds like, “God showed ME my heart. I was wrong here. I’m grieving how I participated. I’m seeking reconciliation where possible.”

Janet

It don’t need a stage. It don’t need a ring light.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Right. It’s more about a changed life than a viral clip. An emotional reaction, on the other hand, is often impulsive, blame-heavy, and very public. It sounds like, “THEY are evil. THEY deceived me. Y’all are all blind if you don’t do what I’m doing.”

Janet

Yeah, and it usually happens quick. Like, “I had a dream last night, and this morning I renounced everything, and if you don’t, you not really saved.” Baby, that’s not repentance, that might just be a spiritualized panic attack.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

And again, we’re not mocking anybody’s experience. We’re saying: slow down. Check—Is this conviction that leads me to love God and people more? Or is this reaction that leads me to anger, accusation, and isolation?

Janet

’Cause real repentance leaves you softer, not harder. You more patient, not more petty. You cry over people, you don’t just clap back at ’em.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

And you build your theology on God’s Word, not just on, “What happened to me.” Your story matters, absolutely. But your story is not the standard. Christ is the standard. Scripture is the standard.

Janet

So if you’re listening and feeling shook, here’s the question: “Am I being drawn by the Spirit into deeper holiness? Or am I being dragged by someone else’s hurt into their conclusion?” Those are not the same thing.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

And if you realize, “You know what, I’ve been reacting,” that’s not the end. That’s actually the invitation to healing—which is where we want to go next.

Janet

Alright, so we done stirred the pot, now let’s help folks clean the kitchen. Lyman, let’s talk about healing from church hurt AND Greek hurt without turning your story into a weapon.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Yes. First thing: God is not asking you to pretend you weren’t hurt. If you were hazed, humiliated, sexually harassed, betrayed—those are real wounds. Some situations may even need legal or formal action. Silence is not holiness.

Janet

Come on.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

But healing doesn’t require slander. You don’t have to drag names, expose every detail online, or declare that every member, every chapter, every frat or sorority is demonic in order to be free.

Janet

Yeah. Some people need a therapist before they need a YouTube channel. I say that with love. Go sit with a licensed counselor, a solid Christian therapist if you can, who can help you untangle, “What happened to me? Where was God? What lies did I start believing?”

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Spiritual direction can help, too. Someone mature in the faith who isn’t impressed by drama, who can help you discern, “Is this God’s voice, or my fear, or my anger?” Remember James 1:20—we read it earlier—our anger does NOT produce God’s righteousness.

Janet

And boundaries are holy. If certain line brothers or sisters are toxic, you don’t owe them unlimited access. If a chapter event is a trigger right now, you can step back. You can love your letters and still say, “I can’t be in that space this season.”

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Community is key, too. You need people who can hold your testimony with care, not people who wanna monetize it or sensationalize it. Folks who’ll say, “Yeah, they were wrong,” AND, “Let’s make sure bitterness doesn’t take root in you.” That’s Hebrews 12:15 again.

Janet

Now let’s hit this big question folks ask us all the time: “How do I know if God is really leading me to stay Greek or to leave?” What does that discernment process even look like?

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

I’d say a few things. One, God’s leading will be consistent with Scripture, not fear-based. Two, there’s usually a growing, steady conviction, not just a late-night emotional spike. Three, wise counsel in your life will often confirm it over time.

Janet

And four, it won’t require you to lie, exaggerate, or attack everybody who doesn’t do what you doing. If you gotta tear people down to justify your decision, that’s a red flag.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

If God calls you to stay, He’ll call you to be light where you are. If He calls you to leave, He’ll call you to leave in a way that still reflects His character—truthful, humble, not vengeful. Either way, healing is the assignment.

Janet

So to my wounded Greeks listening: some of y’all need healing more than you need a microphone. Your voice matters, but so does the condition of your heart while you’re using it.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

If your story includes pain, do not let bitterness write your theology. Explore coaching at CoachLyman.com or begin your journey through SacredGreeks.com. We’d love to walk with you, help you process, help you hear God clearly—without all the internet noise.

Janet

Yeah, you don’t have to figure this out alone, baby. Your letters don’t disqualify you from God’s love, and your questions don’t either. Bring it all—your Bible, your line jacket, your tears—to the Lord and to safe people.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

We’re going to keep having these conversations, because this tension isn’t going away. But neither is God’s grace.

Janet

Alright family, that’s it for today. Lyman, thank you for always going there with us.

Dr. Lyman Montgomery

Always an honor, Janet.

Janet

We love y’all. Take care of your heart, take care of your walk with God, and we’ll see you next time on The Sacred Greeks Podcast.